Coaching is a Two Way Street

"Life is a game of godself playing hide and seek with godself" - Alan Watts

You are the god of your world, because you create your own world. And you probably don’t even know it.

I wrote this post to give you a more specific idea of what it's like to work with me in a coaching relationship; what you can look forward to receiving from me, and what I look forward to receiving from you.

Coaching helps people reach their higher callings and unlived potential, the lives they are not living because they are trapped in their own self‐critical egos and compensatory patterns and addictions. Coaching helps you to see how and why all your 'icky' behaviors make perfect sense - given the faulty premises that you're operating under. Bringing these premises out of the shadows and into the light is where real transformation takes place. Illumination literally expands one's world.

I've been blessed with many wise and courageous teachers and mentors, who showed me the open landscape when my focus was too narrow and the path before me seemed lost. And for the last 8 years, I've been devoted to making a difference in people's lives, both at Wonderland and through my private practice. I consider it my dharma to light the way for others.

I am a facilitator and lover of extraordinary, uncomfortable, life-changing conversations. I bring relentless compassion - while enthusiastically and lovingly supporting you to interrogate the reality you've created.

Just like you, I am a work in progress. But after approximately 38 years of feeling like a victim of Life, now, in my 50's, I have zero interest in anything but emotional, mental and spiritual freedom, for you and me.

Freedom however, is not the same as safety. Safety is the enemy of success, so we explore being willing to fail spectacularly and learn joyfully from mistakes - in the knowledge that life is always providing us with people and circumstances to show us where we are not free.

To be clear, there is a spiritual (albeit completely grounded) focus to my coaching. If that's not your bag, that's totally ok, there are countless other coaches out there that are more secular in their approach.

And whilst I'm committed to supporting your journey of personal growth, I'm also passionately given over to your relational development for the sake of the collective evolution of humanity, at this most precarious of times in human history. I believe in the liberating power of responsibility and accountability. We cannot create a more just world by attending to our self-righteousness with greater passion than we attend to our responsibility. The hour is late, and we must awaken.

As such, I've taken a different approach this year and I'm now choosing clients based on their coachability—rather than accepting anyone that lands in my inbox.

So if you've been feeling the nudge of your soul towards coaching, here are some questions for you to consider:

• Do you want more ease, joy and connection and less suffering in your most important relationships—with yourself, your loved ones, your business, and the world?

• What would you like to change? What do you want? Why don’t you have it now?

• Are you committed to bringing an open mind and to be willing to have your ideas about yourself and reality turned on its head - rather than hanging out in your perceived brokenness?

• Do you suspect that your assertion "But this is just who I am...” is not an absolute. It is a choice.

• Are you willing to be uncomfortable?

• Do you suspect that what you can see is only a tiny part of a greater story?

• Do you understand that confidence is not a pre-requisite for taking action, it is the result of taking action?

• Are you willing for the conversation to not be goal focussed?

• Are you willing to own your projections, assumptions and misunderstandings?

• Are you willing to cultivate a daily meditation practice (or at the very least create a daily routine of spaciousness to consciously slow down)?

• Are you interested or ready to make an impact in the world?

• Are you ready to design the lifestyle you want? (It doesn't matter if it seems out of reach. Imagine your life five years from now. Ten years.)

• Do you understand the power of commitment, i.e. to have the heart intention to show up to every scheduled session? (I do understand that people will occasionally have various things come up that may prevent them from attending the session)

If you've answered 'yes' to these questions, the following are some of the things you can look forward to receiving from me in the coaching relationship:

• I will almost certainly say things that no-one else would dare to say (sometimes bluntly, but always compassionately) and challenge how you see the world - because I know from long experience that when someone sees their world differently, their world changes. People show up differently and create things that seemed impossible a moment before.

• I will show up fully expressed; hiding nothing; holding nothing back.

• I will help you see that you are not afraid of what you think you’re afraid of – you’re afraid of what you think.

• I will help you uncover why you want what you want (the goal behind the goal).

• I will consistently remind you of the Truth of your being, even when (especially when) you can't see it. I will believe in you, when you forget to believe in yourself. A strong and deep foundation in what is True is needed for us to achieve meaningful things in life. (And btw... meaningful doesn't have to be grandiose).

• You are paying for your dreams and your dreams are priceless, so I will hold you gently accountable for them, but I will not play nanny to your progress. However big the dream, the steps taken towards it will be tiny and consistent.

• I will lead you back to the magic and the medicine that lies within you waiting to be unleashed into the world.

• Though I fully appreciate the value of a 'safe space' to do this work, it's important to recognise that this will mean different things to different people. I'm much more interested in exploring the truth that safety is an illusion, and striving to have it is the cause of most of our problems. For us to inhabit the full spectrum of our humanity, we must be willing to be with and celebrate discomfort, uncertainty, and difference. Often this feels like the opposite of safety.

• Tools to help you regulate your nervous system and co-regulate with others.

• Awkward silences (I love 'em)—the power of the pause allows space for you to astound yourself.

• Celebration and delight with both your successes and failures as golden opportunities for growth.

• Occasional impassioned swearing

• My absolute, full, undivided attention and unconditional regard for where you are right now

• Homework (in the form of occasional podcasts, books, articles etc)

Some things you will not get from me:

• Solutions (I hold you as the expert in your own life and show where solutions are always found - within.)

• Small talk

• Upholding of any beliefs you have that contribute to the illusion of separation.

• You do not need my sympathy or my engagement in your 'perceived' problems, nor do you need me to be your buddy. My role is to best serve you, not to please you. But I will bring unconditional love, support and humour.

• Excessive focus on the past, not because I don't care about your painful experiences, but because the past is not where freedom lives. Therapy is about the past (and in my case, I had to endure the rollercoaster of various therapy modalities to realise that change doesn't take place in the graveyard of the past). Coaching is about acknowledging what's true about the present, and it's about creating a future that’s different from the one you would have arrived at, by default, if you'd had no coach.

• Techniques, promised outcomes or scripted conversations

• Hassle or progress-nannying - you are accountable for your own homework between sessions. If you say “I want to achieve X”, but your behaviour is not reflective of someone who wants to achieve X, then I have to point out where you're not behaving in accordance with what you say you want. It's not that there's anything wrong with the behaviour, it's just not in alignment with what you say you're committed to. Understand the power of a commitment. It will either shift things, or occasionally end in me needing to choose whether to continue to invest my time coaching you.

• I will not invest greater commitment to your liberation, joy, and desires than you do (see above).

• An agenda or expectation for your life, a judgment about what brings you joy, peace and fulfilment.

• Psychotherapy or medical advice.

Coaching has changed my life and it continues to do so today. I have a coach myself, and a mentor, and I believe in it because it works. I am great at what I do...not just good. To be great at something, anything, you must enjoy the process from top to bottom, and I do. I have routines, habits and practices that support me to become better and better as a coach every day.

So if you want to do this work, and you’re ready to begin, here’s what you need to do. Open your calendar, pick a date and time that works, and send me a message to book a free 30-min exploratory call. I look forward to serving your highest good. Alternatively, If you know someone who is looking for, or would benefit from coaching, please do share this post with them, and as a thank you I'll be happy to offer you a free 30-min session too.

Footnote: Due to a big uptake in my services since the new year, my schedule will now only allow for twice-monthly sessions rather than weekly.